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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Oh, no you didn't!

I have a ton of pregnant friends right now (So excited for you!) and I thought that this would be fun for them to read. 
 Please note, I have posted this before (On FB) so you may experience deja vu. 

After three pregnancies, I began to notice a pattern - People don't know how to talk to pregnant women. Period. Here's some examples of what not to do/ask/say.

1. Don't tell us how big we're getting. We dress ourselves everyday. We have doctor's appointments every month where we weigh ourselves. We're aware that our bodies are no longer slim. When we hear 'big', we don't think of our bellies. We think of our butts. This is not a compliment. Not only this.. Of course we're getting bigger! That's what happens in pregnancy. That's like me pointing at your face and showing off your wrinkles. It's life.

2. Please ask before you rub a pregnant belly. I know it's 'cute' and 'rubable'... but that's like me walking up to a stranger and rubbing their ass. Can I just say "Oh I just love cute butts!" like you say you looove cute pregnant bellies?? Just ask permission, and I'm sure we'll allow it.

This girl probably won't mind

3. -sigh- This is another one that really irks me. I got pregnant 5 months after my second child was born (this was not planned, but still very much wanted). This situation caused me to have the same question asked over and over and over.. "You're pregnant... again?"
No, actually, this is just leftover from the last one. 
Were you dropped?
Yes, I'm pregnant again. That's how it works. You get pregnant, you have the baby and stop being pregnant, which means your body is now ready to be pregnant - again. If we're having too many kids for your liking, then we're sorry... but these stupid questions are really starting to piss us off.

4. If we're standing in line to pay for my groceries, and make a groaning sound, or possibly an "ooch!", we're not trying to get attention, nor are we going into labor (generally). How many times have I had a foot in the ribs, and made a sound about it just to hear the person beside me say "Oh god, please don't have your baby here!"
Is this supposed to be a joke? Is that funny? What if we are? We're now obviously going to have to fend for ourselves because the people around us are apparently deathly afraid of labor. How about I kick you in the ribs and see if you can deal with it silently?

Yeah, it really hurts.

5. We don't care if I'm carrying high, low, in the front or in the back.. Don't tell us what we're having. You're probably wrong. These old wives tales have been driving me nuts since my first pregnancy. Mine have all been completely different, so don't tell me that because my hair has more shine that it's a girl.. Or that because I'm carrying low that it's a boy. This is not scientific fact. There is no proof.
That's like me saying that you're sure to either be in radio or unemployed because you're ugly. It happens, but it's not a proven fact.

6. Back to the stupid questions... Anyone who has more than 2 kids has probably heard this one too many times for their liking..
"Don't you know what causes that yet?/Don't you know how to stop that from happening?"
Again, do you think we're stupid? Or, better yet, do you think you're funny? That's the oldest joke in the world! Get something fresh, please! Dear lord!

I'm sure there are more, but unfortunately I can't think of them (or I have tried to push them from my mind). So please, think before you speak. I know it may be hard sometimes, but you'll be pretty embarrassed when you have to tell your friends where you got that fat lip from.


  1. There are a lot of ignorant people out there!!!! How about the people who sit there and tell labor horror stories to pregnant women. How about people who have to ask if you know whether you're having a girl or a boy? Like a perfect stranger cares about what genitals your child will have. Ew. Or asking you if you have names yet, then proceeding to make rude comments about the names you have in mind. Some people have NO censor! There is something about pregnant women that makes people think they can say whatever they want and get away with it.

  2. number 6 was the only one I really hatexd. I was about 6 months pregnant with Eldon and getting a new bra at La Senza as I sometimes like to do. The merchant looks at me and says "have you figured out whats causing that?" I get it a lot, but it's not their damn business!