May contain swears, slang, dark humour, graphic pictures, nudity, sexual references, drug references, and anything else that can be considered offensive.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

One more thing....

I feel the need to fix something here.

One of the other amazing things that my husband did was to not only decide to leave his 'glamorous' bachelor life and become a husband, but he also became a father - Right away.

How could you NOT want to be in this child's life?!
I had a 2 year old son, Owen, when my husband and I became a couple, and he had no problem with it. In fact, he embraced it! He understood that Owen's dad was still in his life - that he wasn't replacing his father - but that he would be a father figure. 

He has been a huge part of my son's life, and has taught him to be strong, kind and awesome.

He prefers to be called "Luke Skywalker"

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Mushy, mushy, love love love...

When I get to the grocery store, one of the first things I do is get my list out of my pocket. I am always forgetting something, so I leave it around the house and add to it when I discover new things that need to be replaced/refilled.
So, here I am, ready to shop, and I pull it out of my pocket and read it through.


This is what I have to deal with on a regular basis - I married a comedian. 
To be fair, I absolutely knew what I was getting into. His crazy sense of humour was one of the many things that drew me in.  He was absolutely insane. He would have me in tears from laughing so hard! Granted, he also had me groaning at times (Groaning, not moaning. That'll show up here later). We still laugh a lot, and his jokes can still be pretty terrible, but I wouldn't change it for anything!

Another thing that intrigued me when we met was his taste in music. Unlike my ex that was into 'pop/punk' and 'rock' (Linkin Park and Bowling for Soup), this guy was into bands that my father listened to - The Eagles, Pink Floyd, The Doors, The Beatles, etc. I was floored. Being fairly young (18), I just assumed that my Dad's music sucked and never bothered to listen to it. This new man showed me that music could really mean something! Of course, I fell in love with Pink Floyd. Oh, here's the first birthday present I ever gave him. 

BOOM, I'm awesome
He totally dug it, but seriously, who wouldn't? I am now proud to admit my love of classic rock, and even rock out at Tunes and Trivia night! (Um, with his help, of course)

Anyway, we fell madly in love - How could we not? We got married so quickly that most of our wedding gifts were baby sleepers. 

No, I was not pregnant, thank you.
I did get pregnant though.

Aaaaand again.

Much better
Did I mention that we managed do this in only 25 months? Yeah, I know. I get tired just thinking about it.
The reason that I'm thinking about it is because exactly 4 years ago at this time, I was trying absolutely everything I could to fall asleep because I was getting married the next day!

Basically, my point is... Happy 4th Anniversary, Christopher!
I love you so much, and can't wait for the many anniversaries that we will share together!
Unless you leave me.
Because I posted this.

I'll start packing up my things

Saturday, March 26, 2011


I quit smoking at 12:45 am on December 31st, 2010. 

Now, if you think this post is going to be about how awesome I am, and how lame you are - You're wrong. (Just to clarify, I am awesome)

I smoked off and on for 12 years, but fairly steadily the last 10. I loved smoking. Honestly, I adored it. It was my favorite thing to do. 
Have you ever made plans, and they fell through? Sucks - but hey! You have cigarettes! They didn't cancel on you because they want to have crazy monkey sex with their new boyfriend! 

haha, I didn't actually think I could find something like this!
When you and your significant other have a fight, and you just need someone to talk to, someone that can calm you down, but all of your friends are out at the disco - Who do you have?? Cigarettes. 

I seriously didn't think that could ever let go. It wasn't just an addiction... I was going to lose my best friend. 

I know how crazy that sounds, it's okay.
I would wake up, and have a smoke. 
Make the kids breakfast, and while they were eating, I'd have a smoke. 
Drive my oldest to school, and on the way home, smoke in the van.
Get home, do some house work (Or dick around on the computer), and realize that it's been an hour or so. Have another smoke.
Make lunch for the kids, once they were happy and eating, have a smoke. 
Have a couple of smokes before picking up oldest from school because I have to be there half an hour early and I can't smoke on school property.
Get home from picking him up, and have another smoke.
Do a load of dishes, and 'wait for those to dry' on the drying rack while I had a smoke.
Get hungry, have a smoke.
Get thirsty, have a smoke.
Have a coughing fit, have a smoke.

It got to the point that I started to hate how much I depended on it. I couldn't stand leaving in the middle of dinner at a nice restaurant because I needed a cigarette. I hated driving anywhere because I would light up a smoke at every red light, and would run out of smokes faster because of it. I would get so frustrated if I woke up in the middle of the night, because I knew that 'only a cigarette' would be able to get me back to sleep.
It wasn't a friend anymore- it was my worst enemy. I had to stop!

No cigarettes were harmed in the making of this blog post

Every time I tried to quit, I would go into panic mode. What would I do when I was driving? What would I do when I was reading a book? What if I can't sleep? What if I can't stop eating? What if I started jogging and being all healthy?! Noooo!

I was driving home, having a smoke, at 12:45am on December 31st, and thought... let's just do it now! - Which is something I had done many a time. This time it was different. 
I didn't start sweating. I didn't laugh nervously, say "Psyche!" and light up a new smoke.
It was just the right time. 

It was hard. I was forgetful. I would enter a room and think, "Wait... I was supposed to do something..." It would take a few minutes of walking from room to room before I would realize that I hadn't gone outside in hours. I was forgetting to smoke
I also used this website, mainly for the 'Q-Gadget' that tells you how much money you've saved (I'm almost at $400!), how many cigarettes you haven't smoked, and how long you've been quit. It's nice to see those numbers - at least it was for me! Also, there are a lot of positive people in the chats that are willing to support you!

Support is the most important. Those people that think they are supporting you by saying "Well, I don't actually think you'll do it... but if you do, I'm really proud!" need to stay away. You can't have back-handed comments like that. It is incredibly damaging! That's not support! Remember, you aren't quitting for them, you're quitting for you. If you don't have a lot of support, I recommend keeping it to yourself - especially for the first 2 weeks, as they are the hardest.

Okay, I'm tired and severely grumpy, so I'm going to have to cut this short. 
If anyone out there needs support to quit smoking, please don't hesitate to message me (Either here, FB or Twitter) and I'll be there for you!!

TL;DR - Quitting is hard, it sucks, but you can do it - and I love you.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Oh, no you didn't!

I have a ton of pregnant friends right now (So excited for you!) and I thought that this would be fun for them to read. 
 Please note, I have posted this before (On FB) so you may experience deja vu. 

After three pregnancies, I began to notice a pattern - People don't know how to talk to pregnant women. Period. Here's some examples of what not to do/ask/say.

1. Don't tell us how big we're getting. We dress ourselves everyday. We have doctor's appointments every month where we weigh ourselves. We're aware that our bodies are no longer slim. When we hear 'big', we don't think of our bellies. We think of our butts. This is not a compliment. Not only this.. Of course we're getting bigger! That's what happens in pregnancy. That's like me pointing at your face and showing off your wrinkles. It's life.

2. Please ask before you rub a pregnant belly. I know it's 'cute' and 'rubable'... but that's like me walking up to a stranger and rubbing their ass. Can I just say "Oh I just love cute butts!" like you say you looove cute pregnant bellies?? Just ask permission, and I'm sure we'll allow it.

This girl probably won't mind

3. -sigh- This is another one that really irks me. I got pregnant 5 months after my second child was born (this was not planned, but still very much wanted). This situation caused me to have the same question asked over and over and over.. "You're pregnant... again?"
No, actually, this is just leftover from the last one. 
Were you dropped?
Yes, I'm pregnant again. That's how it works. You get pregnant, you have the baby and stop being pregnant, which means your body is now ready to be pregnant - again. If we're having too many kids for your liking, then we're sorry... but these stupid questions are really starting to piss us off.

4. If we're standing in line to pay for my groceries, and make a groaning sound, or possibly an "ooch!", we're not trying to get attention, nor are we going into labor (generally). How many times have I had a foot in the ribs, and made a sound about it just to hear the person beside me say "Oh god, please don't have your baby here!"
Is this supposed to be a joke? Is that funny? What if we are? We're now obviously going to have to fend for ourselves because the people around us are apparently deathly afraid of labor. How about I kick you in the ribs and see if you can deal with it silently?

Yeah, it really hurts.

5. We don't care if I'm carrying high, low, in the front or in the back.. Don't tell us what we're having. You're probably wrong. These old wives tales have been driving me nuts since my first pregnancy. Mine have all been completely different, so don't tell me that because my hair has more shine that it's a girl.. Or that because I'm carrying low that it's a boy. This is not scientific fact. There is no proof.
That's like me saying that you're sure to either be in radio or unemployed because you're ugly. It happens, but it's not a proven fact.

6. Back to the stupid questions... Anyone who has more than 2 kids has probably heard this one too many times for their liking..
"Don't you know what causes that yet?/Don't you know how to stop that from happening?"
Again, do you think we're stupid? Or, better yet, do you think you're funny? That's the oldest joke in the world! Get something fresh, please! Dear lord!

I'm sure there are more, but unfortunately I can't think of them (or I have tried to push them from my mind). So please, think before you speak. I know it may be hard sometimes, but you'll be pretty embarrassed when you have to tell your friends where you got that fat lip from.

Monday, March 21, 2011

The A-Team

No, not that 'A-Team'; That is just the euphemism that I'm going to use for Autism from now on. 

Yes, it came up in speech therapy today that my son may be on the A-Team. A very mild case, but it was still brought up. This was just our first visit, so we'll have to see.
How did that make me feel? I can't describe it. I went into this meeting thinking that it would be said. I've even said it myself. For some reason, it's very different when it comes from someone with a Masters degree in that sort of thing. 

I cried - on the outside. On the inside? I screamed, cursed and asked "why?". I wanted to pick up my kids and run out the door, down the street... Just run away. 

Now we just work on his speech at home, and see the therapist in a few weeks again. This is the start of a very scary journey. 

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Silence isn't Golden

So, it's been a rough few days. I haven't been sleeping well because of an infection in my gums. Yeah, wisdom teeth - a dental surgeon's favorite thing in the whole wide world. Those little bastards make them SO much money, it's absurd. 
I literally cried when my dentist was checking it out today - Not even kidding. Tears. I just wanted her to tear it out.

Remember? I'm pretty much an expert now, right?

Anyway, the other issue is that 2 of my kids have a meeting with a speech therapist on Monday. My kids are far too old to not be talking, and I've decided it's time to talk to a professional. I have to be honest - I am absolutely terrified. There is nothing scarier (Or at least so far, for me) than thinking that there may be something wrong with your kids. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my kids. If they get sick, or have some sort of mental/physical disability, I would never love them less. It's not about loving them, it's about knowing how hard their life and your life will be. 
Don't lie, seriously. I know you'll worry about your kids, but it's human nature to be slightly egocentric and think of yourself. How would my life change? What hurdles will I have to jump now?
It's normal to feel that way to an extent, I think - I hope? I don't know. I want my kids to be 'normal' and 'healthy', for their own sake. Life is hard enough without the need for constant medical care, care aids or anything of the sort. 
I know most people love to talk about how great and 'normal' their kids are, but I really wanted to share my fears with you. I'm not perfect. I'm not an expert in parenting. My children can't even talk, for cripe's sake. Please don't ever feel like I'm writing any of this because I know more/am better than you. I'm just like every other Mom with fears, doubts and worries. 
The only advice that I can give out of this is to swallow your pride. If you suspect your child is not developing properly, do something about it. Talk to someone - Your doctor, friends, parents, spouse, etc. Don't hold back your child even more just because you feel embarrassed. It's not your fault if your child is delayed. Chances are pretty good that it's just that, a delay. Eventually, they'll get to where they need to be. 

The only thing that I may regret?
Why the hell am I working so hard to get 2 of my kids to start talking when I can't figure out how to make the other one shut up??

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Hummus? More like YUMMUS!

Hello internet!

Sorry it's been a while since I've put up a new post. Between school, sickness, looking for work and taking care of my family, I've let it slide!
I promise you I'm working on a new one! So, I'll just write up a little recipe here to keep you busy!

Hummus (Chickpea)

1 can chickpeas
1 garlic clove (Or, if you love garlic like me, use 2!), finely chopped
About 2 tbsp Olive oil
Lemon juice
Salt and pepper to taste

Now, just so you know, this will NOT taste like any type of hummus that you'll buy at a store. One of the main ingredients in hummus is tahini, and I don't like it, but you may use some if you'd like (Add 2 tbsp)

Heat chickpeas in a pot until warm, keeping all the liquid.
Using a food processor (or, like me, a Magic Bullet!), throw in the chickpeas (Minus the liquid) and garlic and a DASH of lemon juice. Now this dish is totally personal. From now on, I recommend adding an ingredient, and then tasting it. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add olive oil and mix until creamy. If it's not creamy enough, add a little more oil and another dash of lemon juice. Too much lemon juice is NOT good. You want the lemon to enhance the taste, not overpower it!

When it's done, just throw it in a bowl and use tortilla chips or pita chips to dip! You can also use it as a dip for veggies (YUM!), or a spread on a sandwich! Enjoy!!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Can't Buy Me Love

Start at about 1:15

I really wanted to be proposed to like this. I mean, I'm not totally unhappy that I wasn't... but I am incredibly jealous.
My husband tried to propose to me at a Tragically Hip concert (Note: I absolutely hate The Tragically Hip), but they wouldn't let him. He ended up doing it in front of the ocean in our 'hometown' in a foot of snow, three days before our wedding. It was pretty cute.

For some reason, I have always wanted two things - A public proposal, and someone to sing me a song in front of a crowd (a romantic one, not just anything). I wanted grandeur - Something extreme!

While I never got my public proposal, I did get my song. My husband sang that super cute song that Adam Sandler sang Drew Barrymore on "The Wedding Singer". You know... this one?

Yeah, and I mean he played it on the guitar and sang it for me. He even changed it to "Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink" to "put me to bed when I've had too much to drink" because he was a bit of a party guy back then. Seriously, I just re-watched this clip, and got chills and started tearing up. It was wonderful.

I think I always wanted something big because I thought that it would prove how much he loved me. I thought that to shamelessly make a huge scene in public that it meant he truly cared. Same with the wedding. Big wedding, big dress, big cake, big hall.... blah blah blah.
I got an inexpensive (I can't say how much haha) dress, a small 'room' to have the service in, and had about 15 people there - and it was perfect.
Don't get me wrong, even as I was about to walk down the aisle, I felt like it wasn't as 'fantastic' as I had always dreamed, but I knew I was happy... And the moment I walked into that room, and saw my VERY soon-to-be husband as nervous (but excited!) as I was, I knew that this was perfect. Nothing in the world could have made it any better.

I think that people put too much emphasis on their 'perfect day'. One thing can go wrong, and they think that everything is ruined! I'll tell what would ruin your wedding day - The bride/groom (Whichever is the opposite of the person reading this!) not showing up. Yeah, that is something to freak out about. 

You know what else would really suck? This.
Yeah, do you notice that they're okay? They didn't die. Their marriage isn't over. They didn't melt or burst into flames, etc. All that matters is that at the end of the day, you're with the one you love! I know it may not be easy, but try to stay calm. You'll regret being a total cow on your wedding day because the white tiger that was supposed to walk down the aisle with the flower girl on its back proceeded to maul your wedding cake to bits. Keep it simple, remember that this is about love, not money or flowers. 

I love you, hunny! Happy 4th Anniversary!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Please Do Not Open Until 2004

Dear 16 year old self,

First things first, I know you don't think school is super important, but it is. I'm busting my ass taking care of kids, a husband and a house and trying to redo courses that you are failing as you read this. Smarten up, dammit! I know Math is hard, but seriously, get some help. You need at least a 65% - that's all I'll tell you.
Also, don't drop Biology, please. I'm also doing that right now, and it would be awesome if I didn't have to. Stop skipping class. I know Mr. Barnett can be boring sometimes, but he knows his stuff. Ask him for help! Kris and Richard are your friends and they can help too!! ASK.

Secondly, stop treating Mom with such disrespect. She cries about you far too often. She loves you very much, and is proud of you - even though you don't think so. She has a very special present to give you in a few years, and you'll love it. She knows how wonderful you are, and she's only sad that you aren't working to your full potential!

Oh, and shut the hell up. You are not fat. I know that you think you are, but trust me... I would kill to have that body back! Ugh. I know you aren't as skinny as Erin or Stacey, but that doesn't matter. You don't have to be! (Oh, also, you're a JERK, but Stacey will love you eventually.)

Thanks, and I hope you take this seriously!


P.S. When you skip Socials, don't tell your teacher it's because you have to 'go to the hospital'. It just so happens that your Mother is going to call the school and will get that information and proceed to absolutely lose her shit. After she finds out that you're fine, you'll be in so much trouble that it isn't even funny. 
Also, get your mark up. Socials isn't hard, you're just lazy! GOD.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I'm SORRY, okay?!

Soooo I have 3 tests to write tomorrow. I'm nervous, and I'm excited.
I'm also really freakin' tired. 
I feel awful for slacking on my posts (I actually have one half done and waiting for more inspiration), so I'm going to be lame and put up a 'recipe'.

Super Easy And Yummy Potatoes

Preheat oven to 375F

Potatoes (Russet, red, white, etc)
Butter/Margarine/Olive oil
Onions, diced
Garlic, finely chopped
Spices (You choose!)
Tin foil

The idea here is that you're kinda 'gift wrapping' the potatoes. What a nice present! Wow! How thoughtful!

Cut a square of tin foil (about 6x6 in) for each 'serving'. I usually only need one for all of my children, and one for each adult.
Wash and cut potatoes into bite sized pieces. Try not to keep them too big, or they won't cook as fast. You can also peel the potatoes if you're lame and still take the crusts off your bread, too.
Add onions and garlic (to taste), as well as your spices. I use Mrs. Dash and pepper, but it's totally up to you. 
If you're using oil, just pour it on slowly and ensure that most of the potatoes are covered. 
If you're using butter/margarine, put a large teaspoon in (C'mon, eyeball it!)

Pulling up the sides and join them at the top, sort of like a Troll doll hair style.

Just a reminder.
Make sure that it's closed fairly tightly, though. They need to 'steam' a bit, you don't want them drying out!! Keep them in there for about 45 minutes. *Carefully* open them up with oven mitts on (silly!) and if they aren't ready? BOOM! Pop 'em back in! 

I use these as a side with steak, or chicken. You can also do this on a barbecue (I don't know how long it would take, though. I'm not a big 'barbecuer')! TRY IT YOURSELF!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

I tried SO HARD....

I have 3 children, as I've stated before.  They are healthy, happy, normal, cute children. I love them with all of my heart, and always will. It hasn't been easy raising three children, but I've worked my ass off to give them what they need. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there that think I am not doing a very good job. Let's check it out!

1. Breastfeeding/bottle feeding.
This is the NUMBER 1 thing that I get ridiculed for. 
I did not breastfeed my children. I attempted to breastfeed my first two, and was unsuccessful. By the time my third one came around, I went straight to formula. Did I love it? Not necessarily. Would I have breastfed if I could have? More than likely.
Hey - guess what? My kids are fine. They didn't shrivel up, fail to grow hair or gain weight, or any other stupid thing that some people assume will happen. They aren't lesser people because they were not attached to my breast for a year. Oh, and also? I'm not a lesser person because I didn't have them attached to my breast for a year. I'm just fine, thank you.
Bottle feeding is not 'lazy'; it's not cruel, it's not terrible, it's not something that you need to frown upon. So please stop.
OH, one more thing. I absolutely loved it when people would tell me how 'lucky' I was because 'bottle fed babies sleep more than breastfed ones'. Really? My oldest son must have missed that memo, considering he was up every 2 hours at night until he was about 7 months old. 

2. Vaccinations
This is a big one, and very controversial. This article explains one of the main reasons people are under the assumption that vaccines are wrong. Okay, hold on. This isn't supposed to be a blog about whether vaccinations cause damage or not. 
Here's the main thing:
If I have decided to vaccinate my kids, then that's that. I believe it will help them. End of story. 

If you have decided not to vaccinate your kids, then that's that. You believe it will help them. End of story. 
Do I disagree with your view? Hell yes. Do I think you're a bad parent? No. I think that whether we decide to vaccinate or not, we are doing what we actually believe is the best for our children. I just really hope that it's not because Jenny Mcarthy told you so.

To be fair, she's pretty persuasive

3. Co-sleeping/lack thereof
This is not as extreme as the others. I do not co-sleep.
I will not co-sleep. In fact, I have never had any of my children share a room with me. Why? Because it's my freakin' room! I can hear them just fine through two closed doors with 5 feet between them. You don't believe me?? Here's some fun facts. 
Yes, you read that properly. A baby crying is louder than your alarm clock, about the same as a motorcycle, and only slightly quieter than an ambulance siren.  Indeed. 
I'm just one of those people that weigh pros and cons, and pick the one with less in the 'con' column. To me, the dangers of co-sleeping out weigh having to walk to another room to feed my baby. Also, I would not be able to get my freak on with a baby in the room. -shrugs- That's just me.
I've been called a 'mean Mom' for 'forcing my child to sleep so far away' from me. Hey, that's harsh! I give my kids lots of love and cuddles, just not in my bed, at night.

4. Cloth diapers/disposables
I have never used cloth diapers. Ever. My children all had/have store bought disposable diapers. This is the one and only thing that I admit to doing because of laziness. Plain and simple! I honestly wish that I had the patience and guts to use cloth diapers. Alas, I do not. Still, please don't hate me for it.

Please remember that I am not putting anyone down, hating on anyone, or forcing my opinion. Stating my opinion, yes. Defending my decisions? Only because I've been forced to. I already know what my comments section will look like after this, but whatever. The idea is that you can't tell me I'm a bad parent because I bottle fed my vaccinated, disposable diaper wearing child in their own bedroom. I can't tell you that you're a bad parent because you breast fed your non-vaccinated child in your bed. Don't call me out for being 'lazy' or 'wrong', please. It's totally unfair. Let's just agree that we all want the best for our children, and we love them. That's why we had them, right?!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Oh, Sarah... I love you!

Not trying to brag or anything, but I totally get to see one of my favorite artists of all time tomorrow night!

That's right! Sarah McLachlan is coming to my town! Not only do I get to listen to her amazingly sultry and beautiful voice for an hour, but I'm getting paid for it too! Oh gosh, I'm excited.

This is one of my absolute favorite songs by Sarah. I don't know who it's about (Other than the obvious!), the story behind it, or what happened afterward... but that's not the point. This song can be - and IS - for everyone who has ever felt this way in their life. Lost, lonely, shamed, hurt, ugly, useless, etc... Sarah nails it.

Adia, I do believe I failed you
Adia, I know I let you down
Don’t you know I tried so hard
To love you in my way?
It’s easy, let it go...
Adia, I’m empty since you left me
Trying to find a way to carry on
I search myself and everyone
To see where we went wrong
’cause there’s no one left to finger
There’s no one here to blame
There’s no one left to talk to, honey
And there ain’t no one to buy our innocence
’cause we are born innocent
Believe me, Adia, we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter
Does it matter?
Adia, I thought that we could make it
But I know I can’t change the way you feel
I'll leave you with your misery -
A friend who won’t betray
I'll pull you from your tower
I'll take away your pain
I'll show you all the beauty you possess
If you’d only let yourself believe that
We are born innocent
Believe me, Adia, we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter, does it matter?
Believe me Adia, we are still innocent
’cause we are born innocent
Adia, we are still innocent
It’s easy, we all falter ... but does it matter?

Other songs by Sarah that are dear to me that you should check out because I have awesome taste in music are:

I Will Remember You - One of her most 'famous' songs

Blackbird  - This is actually the first version of this Beatles classic that I heard! Weird!

I Love You - One of my all-time favorites. I think this really showcases her vocal talent.

Angel - Another 'famous' one

Possession - This was written about Sarah's stalker. Most of the lyrics are actual things that he said/wrote to her.