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Friday, February 11, 2011

Can we talk for a minute?

Me, today.

I have absolutely no problem admitting that - every once in a while - I just can't handle the stress and have a little breakdown. I think more Moms need to openly talk about this!

I had serious PPD after my first son was born. I was barely 17, trying to raise a baby, have a relationship with my boyfriend that I still hardly knew, finish high school, keep up friendships, and live with my parents (Which I thought was terrible, of course). I loved my son, and was happy to be a Mom, but I didn't feel like I could connect with him. I was unable to breastfeed, which not only caused me to feel even less connected with him, but made people believe that I wasn't a good Mother - which they had been telling me since the moment they knew I was pregnant. I felt like all I could do is fail.

Once in a while, that feeling will come back. My almost 2 year old daughter decided to decorate the dining room in her lunch today, and - of course - my vacuum is broken. I picked my son up from school today and noticed that he had blown out the knee in yet another pair of jeans - Money is scarce around these parts, at the moment. On top of that, he failed his spelling test - the words we've been working on all week. On the way home from school, my almost 3 year old fell asleep - This means I have to wake him up to get him into the house. Unlike the movies, my kids wake up when I unbuckle them and skid across the ice rink that is my driveway to get into the house. My daughter is exhausted, so I throw her - not literally - in bed and run back downstairs before - 


Nope, the boys are fighting already. Damn. Do some dishes, make snack, clean up mess, figure out dinner, make dinner, feed kids, clean up after kids, change diapers, get in pajamas, colour with kids, break up kids fighting over paper/crayons, deal with screeching little girl... and suddenly... 

 I lose it, and sit in my chair with my head in my hands - and that's okay. So many people ask me, "How do you do it? Three kids? I'm tired with just one!" (By the way, one kid is tough! Don't ever knock yourself for 'only' having one child!!) I love to respond by saying "I don't!" 
That's because I don't do it; my husband and I do - and my Mother and Step-Father in law,  and brother-in-law. Even my parents help, and they live 8 hours away. I am not raising my kids alone! I have friends with kids, I watch educational shows, I read EVERYTHING! You can never know everything about parenting; it's just not possible! 
If you're feeling upset, take a moment for yourself. Step outside and take some deep breaths (Or puff on a cigarette, if that's your thing), or go into the bathroom and talk calmly to yourself in the mirror. This is especially important to Moms with a newborn. It is absolutely reasonable to put your crying baby in their crib, and leave the room for a couple of minutes to collect yourself. Don't beat yourself up for losing control and starting to cry, just remember to pick yourself back up and be strong for your baby!

Here is a link to a PPD support site. Don't be embarrassed to talk to your doctor about it either. I know that some people may feel like a 'bad Mom' for admitting that they are depressed, but you're being a great Mom by fixing the problem so you can be at the top of your momming game! 

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