May contain swears, slang, dark humour, graphic pictures, nudity, sexual references, drug references, and anything else that can be considered offensive.

Monday, January 24, 2011


Besides being one of my favorite words to say, 'awkwardness' is awesome.I'm really awkward; my whole life is one long, awkward moment.

Kind of like this, but all the time.

An awkward moment can happen at any time, any where. School, restaurants, work, church - if you're into that sort of thing.
Honestly though, the most awkward moments tend to happen when you're dating. There's so much pressure to be that amazing, cool, absolutely awesome date... Something is bound to happen to make you think that possibility just went down the drain.
My husband and I didn't 'court' for very long - 6 months... why not?- but that gave me MORE than enough time to do many awkward things. Those first few months of dating are just so... uncomfortable.
Women, you'll get this. You meet a guy, and he's amazing! You laugh together, share meals, car rides, possibly a bed - I don't judge. Everybody eats, everybody sleeps, everybody... uses the bathroom?
How embarrassing*
Yes - Women poop. Shocking, I know. Why can men talk about it so freely, and yet we get giggly and awkward the second it's brought up in conversation?
Men are proud of their poop. They love it. 
Why can't we just admit that it happens? I'm not asking for my girlfriends to start posting pictures or anything - seriously, please don't - I just want to be able to get off of the phone quickly by saying, "Sorry, gotta poop. I'll call you back later". Is that too much to ask?
When hanging out with my new boyfriend at his place, why can't I just 'drop the kids off at the pool'? Why do I have to make a pathetic excuse that I 'forgot to feed my fish' so I can drive home and use my own bathroom?**
By the way, here's a list of euphemisms for pooping. (May contain swears.)

*Don't ever try to look up pictures of girls on toilets by putting 'pictures of girls on toilets' into Google search. What has been seen, cannot be unseen...
**Yes, I did that. So what?

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