May contain swears, slang, dark humour, graphic pictures, nudity, sexual references, drug references, and anything else that can be considered offensive.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Christopher John Edward

Not for: Men/women that get squeamish at the thought of pregnancy/birthing or hipsters - 'Cause I don't like them.

So I have a story for you.

It was March 31st, 2008. I was very pregnant, and was in bed after celebrating my one year wedding anniversary. Somehow, I had managed to fall asleep - an amazing feat at that point in my pregnancy. 
Suddenly, my phone rings. 

You can't be serious.
 I roll over and check the time and the caller ID - It's my older brother, and it's midnight. Angry, pregnant, and tired, I answer the phone.
Me: "What."
Him: -silence- "Um, I just wanted to say Happy Anniversary!"

Me: "Thanks."
Him: "Okay... well... I love you!"
Me: "Bye."

I hang up the phone, and roll back over in bed.

Oh, and then I pee myself.

I get out of bed, go to the bathroom, change my underwear, and go back.
This happened about once an hour.

Until 7 am.
Now I'm really upset. I'm so pregnant that I can't even control my bladder - How pathetic. I need a diaper. What a loser.
Then it hit me - It was my water breaking.

Now excited, I called my Mother-in-law to tell her that my water had broken. Here's a break down of this phone call.
Me: "Hi, Mom! So, I just wanted you to know that my water broke!"
Mom: "... Shut up. That's not funny."
Me: "Oh... okay.... Well, we'll keep you posted... if you'd like..."
Mom: "You're a bitch." -click-

I almost died. 
I burst into tears, and my husband runs into the bathroom in a panic. I explained that his Mom was really rude, and that she just didn't seem excited about this baby anymore.
He held me until I stopped crying and we decided to just ignore it and focus on the important thing - the upcoming labour.

My husband calls his assistant manager (He was the manager of a store, at this point) and tells him that he would need to cover his shift for the day.
His response?
"Yeah, right."

What the hell!?

We can't figure out why no one is excited about this?!
Chris starts getting upset, and asking why he would think this is a joke.

Oh, right. It's April Fool's Day.
We're dumbasses.

Anyway, points are:
1) Thanks, Mike! I appreciate the phone call to help things along!
2) CJ was born about 30 hours later, at 6:07am on April 2nd.

Happy birthday, kiddo!

Happy 3rd Birthday, CJ! 
Mommy loves you!

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